you want to smear my what??????????


..I knew it, 2014 is my year, my lady parts are back in demand..


On a rather strangely more serious note, I was urged by my doctor today, to undergo a pap smear to find the missing links to my body’s crazy acting out phase


At first, I laughed, because honestly, am the first to tell you, I learn through my own life experiences, I don’t know everything about everything and life itself is a constant learning field, so I actually confused her suggestion as the mammogram she advised me to have a few months back when my boobs had those lumps, which off cause disappeared after my meds.




Anyways, I reminded my doc that she did confirm I CAN go after my 35th birthday and not a day prior, and she then explained to me, like the child that I am when it comes to medical anything’s


Pap smear is when a sample of cells, fluids are then extracted from my lady bits to test for cancerous cells or abnormality, basically what’s causing my strange monotonous fevers and pains below my tummy.


That got my attention so I leaned forward, a bit sleepy from having not slept too well, trying to understand this bit of information.


I may have mentioned this, on my mum’s side of the family – almost all the women have had some form of cancer. I know I am healthy, it’s probably stress, but I also know, I am stubborn like my mother who refused to go to the hospital until it was too late


Like her, I decided not to go to a doctor for at least 6 months starting Jan this year, only to be pushed back into my docs surgery by my friend H, so I did go earlier.


Back to my doctor, I then asked her to explain it in detail and she did. I then reminded her, there’s no bluddy way any person is looking at my lady bits, or touching me. This requires invasion of the vaginal canal, and I am a damn virgin, I don’t need some doctors poking instruments into me.


I did have my uterus, ovaries, bladder, urethra, intestines, you name it, I tested them, via a scan, x ray and ultra sound, there is NO bluddy way am going to have this done.


She then told me calmly, that it can be done without any interference to damaging an intact hymen, and she got another shocked look from me..


Am not even interested in all the hymen crap – I just feel  annoyed that regular medication and normal bluddy scans are not doing their work at finding a solution to a simple fever and tummy cramps.


After I saw her, I had my first little talk to a professional head researcher erhmm I mean psychologist


Around 6 minutes with him, I realized what my problem is.


I have been searching for solutions externally when it all began once I let my emotions roam free, around May last year. This is when my body seemed to give up on me from exhaustion, from colds/fevers/flu/bronchitis – those lumps on my breasts, the strange weight loss, my extreme insomnia, all of it began with my finally allowing myself to grieve the loss of my mother.


Now that I figured out what started the physical reaction to my emotional outlet, its time I begin working on how to stop being sick. I know I can do this, am stronger in more ways than I give myself credit for


No fever or lack of energy or will or sudden outbursts of dark crazy sadness will overpower me.


These are words, sure, but for me, my words always reflects more than just this.. A word


It’s who I am..


Finally I feel a bit better about this; I can formulate a plan of action


This pap smear thing.. I don’t believe I have a hidden virus as deadly as cancer. I will give myself a 3 month window to work on me and if I still fall back into this physical state, I will go ahead with it.


Sometimes all I need to do is simply listen to what I already know




just look at the pictures.... you will get what I mean. lol....

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